Shadows On A Train
by BlueMoonEmpress
Summary: When something drastic happens Tai isn't sure how to handle it. Mainly just his thoughts. R


Shadows On A Train

By: BlueMoonEmpress

Tai moved slowly as he walked into the train station as if not wanting to disturb anything he might pass on the way. 

His mind was in a jumbled haze, not knowing what to think at that time. 

He passed through the gate and handed his ticket over without a thought, and then made his way cautiously to the train. 

Although he didn't know where he was going, he knew he had to get away from where he was. Just, to get away. 

It happened no more then an hour ago, the phone call that is. And no more then an hour ago had his heart split in two. Broken by a sadness unknown to anyone but himself. Or so he kept telling himself. 

One hour ago his mother picked up the phone and told Tai that it was for him. No more then an hour ago had he listened in to the frantic voice of Takeru. 

He hadn't known what was going on. Too confused by all the yelling and crying that had been going on, on the other side of the phone. 

But it suddenly clicked for him. Suddenly, too suddenly everything made sense. Takeru's frantic call, the enraged and saddened voices in the background, his racing mind… 

There had been an accident. A terrible tragedy that had taken one of them. Not just taken, ripped him away. 

Tai sat there on the train, thoughts billowing through his head as the outside flashed before him. Usually, usually he was amazed at all the lights and pictures that passed him by whenever he used the train. 

But today wasn't like every other day. Today was a day like no other. 

Today was the day he lost his heart. 

Tai thought of the phone call, how when it all started to click, he slowly took the phone from his ear and placed it back on the receiver. Not caring that he had hung up on the crying boy on the other side. 

He could barely think, barely realized when he was walking out the door, and hardly noticing the yells of his mother and sister behind him, demanding to know what was the matter. 

Nothing mattered now. Nothing was going to be the same. 

Tai slowly moved his head to look around at who else was on the train with him. 

No one really, just a few nameless people. Strangers that right now he could care less about. 

Before, whenever he went on the train, he loved looking around at all the people, trying to guess where they were going, who they were going to see, what they would do. 

He would play that game almost every single time. Made the trips seem less boring. Even though with the right company, nothing was boring. 

Tai looked to the seat beside him, to the right of him was empty air, and to the left, just more air. His blank stare slowly started to turn into a frown. His eyes ever so slightly beginning to water. 

Pressing his eyes shut Tai shook his head. This was not the time… not the time… 

Lifting an arm to his eyes he wiped a sleeve across them. But it didn't help any; they just filled with tears all over again. 

Giving up he opened his eyes and let the tears flow gracefully down his cheeks, Tai licked his lips as they fell across them. 

Tai covered his mouth as a sob escaped. Not wanting to catch anymore attention then he was surely getting. 

Ducking his head as low as he could Tai shielded his eyes with his hands; the tears coming so forcefully they could flow through the fingers. 

He'd about given up caring. There was nothing for him to care about anymore. At least not as important as what he's just lost. Nothing was as precious to him then what he'd lost this night. 

He wished he had never taken that call. Wished he had never woken up that day. Then maybe… maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe then nothing would have changed. 

But things did, and they could never go back. No matter how much he wished, prayed anything… nothing would bring him back what he lost. 

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you Yama…" Tai whispered into his palms. "You were really all that mattered to me…" 

Tai slipped his hands from his face and looked up, wiping some of the stains off his cheeks as he did. 

He blinked once, then twice as he saw something that shouldn't have been there. Or really, someone. "Yama?" He asked carefully. 

One of the older men on the train looked up and gave him a funny look, scowled slightly then turned his head back to where he had been staring seconds before. 

Tai rubbed his eyes again and shook his head slightly, not believing it, but wanting to all at the same time. 

He looked back up at the spot where he'd seen his friend, but his frown deepened as no one was there. 

Bowing his head once more Tai sighed sadly, as another tear slipped down his face. He leant against the window and looked to his side, eyes widening. 

"Yama!" He yelled jumping up abruptly. The entirety of the car looked in his direction, blushing he apologized as he sat back down in his seat. 

They stopped then and two out of the five people left on the train moved to get out. The old man that had given him a dirty look being one of them. 

Sighing Tai's hands once again found their way to his head, stifling the groan that elicited from his mouth. 

He looked to his side as he felt someone sit beside him. But saw no one. He burrowed his brow in confusion. 

Tai sat there quietly for sometime before the train stopped again, and the rest of it's passengers, left, leaving Tai to his lonesome. 

Looking around and seeing no one in sight, and unable to hold it any longer the tears once again began to flow, but this time Tai did nothing to hide them, nothing stifle his sobs or his raged breathing. Just, let it flow. 

"I miss you Yama…" He choked out. "I miss you too much and it hasn't even been a day yet. I don't know what I'll do without you… you were my only link to society…" Tai let a cry out. "Now that 'Kari is older and I don't need to be looking after her at all times I was practically relying on you to help me through everything. Relying on you to be the one I could take care of…" another cry escaped. "Yama why'd you have to die…?" Tai asked through his sobs. 

The train stopped again and Tai heard the Conductors voice over the intercom, "Last stop, everyone out." 

Wiping his eyes Tai stood and walked over to the door, it slid open and he walked out slowly, turning around as he heard the engine steam and the train starts to move again. 

He watched as the windows flew by, and as the last one passed him he saw a figure, a smiling figure wave at him. 

Tai blinked as he felt a gust of wind pass over him, he didn't just see that… 

"Yama!" Tai called out once again, running after the train. "Yama come back!" the train continued to move past him as he ran towards it, unknowing to the person following behind it. 

"Yama…" Tai bent over and put his weight on his knees, catching his breath. "Please come back…" he whispered looking at the train as it continued on its way. 

Straightening himself he turned and walked away from the track tears still running down his cheeks, but slower now. 

"You'll always be in my heart Yama… you'll always be the one I love most in life… I love you…" Tai whispered as he walked away from the station. "I'll always love you…" 

End. 

--- BlueMoonEmpress


End file.
